Say You Love Me
by panicmoonwalker
Summary: It's seeing them as a couple when Reagan arrives, that's the hardest part of remaining 'just friends'. (Season 6)


**I'm back with yet another reunion fic! Sorry for the lack of posting, the past few months have been insanity with finishing year 12 and all!** **Thankfully the premiere inspired me for this** **but after exams I'm sure I'll be writing regularly once again.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Trying to be 'just friends' with Nick is exhausting. More exhausting than when they broke up. Jess feels like she's about to crash and burn on the worst days. But they're closer than ever really, and it makes her really happy just to be around him.

That is until Reagan comes back into town.

The week before her impending arrival she tries to enjoy his company when she can, fighting with him over getting a special peek at his book. Schmidt intervenes – if he doesn't get a sneak peek, she doesn't get to look either.

("The book _is_ dedicated to _me_ , Schmidty, I think I get special treatment." Jess teases, ignoring the teasing look in her friend's eyes.)

But when Reagan comes to town, Jess feels like spiralling.

She's been doing okay at pushing away how she feels, acting _normal_ with him. It's hard to be jealous of a relationship when the other half isn't there.

It's _seeing_ them as a couple when Reagan arrives, that's the hardest part of remaining 'just friends'. When she walks through the door he is quick to be by her side, hugging her tightly. The physical ache in her chest that she felt when he came home returned and all she wants to do is run away again.

As well as the awful feeling she has in her chest, she has to at least _try_ and be friendly to Reagan. Firstly, because Jess sort of think they _might_ be friends, they had bonded right? Over Nick, multiple times? And secondly because she wants to keep Nick happy, so she can't be rude to her even if she tried.

Stupid love.

Jess can feel all her loft mates' eyes on her as she gets up to greet Reagan, who seems overtly happy to see Jess. She's questioning why she decided to tell Winston and Schmidt about her feelings but there was no taking it back now. So she ignores the sympathetic eyes she gets from Cece, Schmidt and Winston when Reagan follows Nick to his bedroom to put away her bags.

* * *

Reagan is staying for two months for something her drug company assigned her to do in L.A. and instead of using the hotel room the company provides; she decides to take residence in the Over-Crowded Loft (Schmidt uses the phrase multiple times a week, trademark impending).

Cece and Schmidt try to argue against it, but Nick doesn't see a problem with it because he's too hypnotised with her to notice _anything_.

As painful as it is to see Nick happy with _her_ , she tells Schmidt and Cece to lay off.

* * *

It doesn't get easier.

In the first week she hears them have sex more times than she would like to admit (once in the shower, she doesn't know how she keeps walking in on people in the shower). And in the same week she can feel him drifting away, Reagan seemingly more important than Jess was. She became insignificant, most of the conversation they have being about their days were – conversations you would have with a _casual_ friend.

She knows he doesn't mean it; Nick always gets lost around Reagan. Less dumbstruck lost like she had been told stories of, and now more 'in love' lost.

* * *

One night when Nick is at work, and Cece, Schmidt, Winston and Aly are gone for a couple's games night, Jess finds herself alone in the loft with Reagan. Jess is good at avoiding her at this point, so instead of watching a movie in front of the TV with Reagan – she hides in her room watching a stupid romantic comedy with her earphones on full blast with a bag of popcorn sitting next to her.

Of course she doesn't notice when Reagan walks into the room, as she is currently super invested in _The Proposal_ , so when Reagan touches her shoulder she jolts around, spilling popcorn over her bed.

"God Reagan! You scared me!" Jess shouts. She lets out a small (fake) chuckle as she pauses the movie and removes the earphones. "What's up gal?"

She can see Reagan cringe slightly as the words come out, but she sits next to Jess hesitantly. "Can I talk to you?" She asks, "I've just wanted to talk to someone about Nick… Schmidt and Winston are impossible to talk about anything and Cece just changes the topic every time I try to talk… And you know, we've had talks about him so I was just wondering…"

"Sure." _You can do this_.

"Where do I start?" Reagan grins shyly, "New Orleans was amazing, Nick really became another person! Turned himself around."

"Yeah I heard…" Jess nods in reply.

"The book he wrote there… he only let me read the first chapter but it looks so good doesn't it?"

 _That_ one hurt. "Actually, he hasn't let me read any. Wants it to perfect."

"Oh. I thought he would due to the fact that he dedicated it to you." Her voice has a hint of bitterness, but she moves past it quickly. "It's really quite amazing. And I've read _Z is for Zombie_!"

Jess genuinely laughs at the comment, "Yes I read _Z is for Zombie_. He has definitely improved since then…"

"Jess, I really see a future with Nick." Jess swallows hard, trying to keep her emotions intact. "We both have a lot to thank you for."

She wants to throw up. She wants to run into her closet and hide. She wants Reagan to get out of her room before she shatters. She needs to be alone.

"Yeah, no problem. Hey, look I'm really tired I think I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight, Reagan! Bye!" Reagan's eyes pop out at how fast Jess is talking and gently nudging her out of her room.

If Jess had to talk to Reagan about Nick for one more moment, she would have snapped.

* * *

Jess never found herself crying because of Reagan and Nick. She was determined to act as if nothing was different so she wouldn't let herself get upset over it.

She endures the kissing, the sweet glances and all of the sickening couple-y stuff. It's all okay.

But when she came home after an exhausting Thursday afternoon, before everyone else came home but before Nick had to go to work, he had taken the opportunity to sit down and _talk_.

"Hey, Day." His smile is wide as he relaxes on the couch near her.

"Hey, Miller." She grins back earnestly.

"I'm sorry we haven't talked a lot lately. Busy with the bar and Reagan."

"No, it's fine. I understand."

"Really, Jess. I know I get all lost in my head when it comes to Reagan, and you're my best friend." Nick's hand lands on her wrist and Jess has to breathe deeply to not react too much. "Don't tell Schmidt I said that…"

Jess giggles at that, "It's okay Nick. I'm really proud of you for working hard for what you want."

 _Even if it isn't me_ , that's what the nagging voice in her head says.

"Thanks," Nick thumb brushes against her arm again before he pulls away. "I'm not sure if it's weird to talk about relationships with an ex… But…"

She prepares herself for what he's about to say, and he takes too long to pull his thoughts together, she just wants it to be over. "What is it, Nick?"

"I really think I love her, Jess."

 _There_ it is.

He continues to talk but she can only nod as she pretends to listen, using every ounce of her willpower to not break down right in that moment. Eventually, he looks at the time and realises he has to leave for work.

Nick gives her a look like he knows something is wrong, but if he does notice, he doesn't say anything. He jumps off the couch giving her a light pat on the shoulder before grabbing his keys and then he's gone.

And finally, she lets herself break.

* * *

Cece, Schmidt and Winston all catch her crying and watching Dirty Dancing when they come home. Everything just _sucks_ and she wants them to stop looking at her like that.

Reagan also comes home, and she's confused about why Jess is sad but isn't home long enough to find out.

Jess loves how supportive her friends are about everything. They don't talk, they just pass more ice cream and press play to watch Dirty Dancing for a second time.

* * *

If hearing Nick admit that he loves Reagan hurt, then hearing them say it to each other before work the next week was felt like someone ripping out her heart and stomping on it.

When the both of them leave, Cece turns to Jess and takes a hold of her hand. "I'm sorry, Jess."

"Nothing to be sorry about." Jess perks up as best she can, taking her empty bowl to the sink.

"Jess…"

"Cece, really, I'm fine." Jess snaps, "I've accepted it now… It's over between Nick and I."

Cece doesn't say anything else for the rest of breakfast, allowing her to leave for work without of word.

* * *

Jess isn't really sure what happens, but after one awfully lonely night in the loft, she snaps.

She's _done_ pretending. She's done pretending not to care about Reagan. She's done hiding all her feelings away and missing Nick. She loves her life, but its missing something. For a while she's known that _something_ is _him_. She has to try.

It's a bad idea. Jess knows it. This could screw up his relationship with Reagan, or worse, her. But she has to try, right?

There's no one at the loft to stop her. Cece and Schmidt are gone to check the progress of their house then out to dinner, and Winston is out with Aly and her family. Jess has no idea where Reagan is, she could be at the bar with Nick, but to hell with that. She _needs_ to tell him.

* * *

Her confidence doesn't waver on her way to the bar, and when she walks into the bar she freezes. The plan remains the same, she needs to get it off her chest, but he looks so happy. The smile makes her feel so many things – hope, love, happiness and complete peace. If that happiness disappeared from his smile, well, she didn't know what she'd do.

It doesn't stop her. Her legs continue to move, and she can hear herself asking if they could talk in his office. He follows her willingly.

"What's up, Jess?" Nick asks cautiously, unsure of the vibe she's sending.

Jess wipes her hands on her dress before letting out a nervous chuckle. "I need to tell you something… Because… If I keep it in any longer I think I might combust!"

Nick moves closer, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Tell me." His voice is soft, and Jess feels like she might melt on the spot.

"I need to stop pretending, Nick." She stares into his kind eyes, her confidence rising again. "I still love you."

Jess takes a moment so he can process what she said before she continues. His mouth opens slightly but nothing comes out, she's not sure if that means she should stop or if she should continue. "I know you l-love Reagan, but I had to tell you. I need you to know that I love you so if there's any chance for us, I want to know. Our friendship is everything to me, Nick. And I don't want to lose that, so if you truly believe that it's over… I… I'll move on, and we can still be friends. But I needed to take this risk, I don't want to see you get married to Reagan, or anyone else for that matter, and regret not taking the chance that there could still be something, a future, for us. I'm just so stupidly in _love_ with you!"

His arms fall from her shoulders sometime during her soliloquy, and he runs a hand through his hair while blowing air from his cheeks. "God, I'm sorry for spilling all this on you! You don't have to say anything now… I'm just… I'm going to…uh, go now." Jess wraps her arms around her body, exhaling harshly before exiting his office.

* * *

The loft is still empty when she gets back, and she's thankful because she needs to be alone to wallow in how idiotic she feels.

How could she have _done_ that?

Jess is sure she's just ruined her relationship with her best friend. She lies down on the couch, staring mindlessly at the blank TV, letting the tears fall. She hears Cece, Schmidt and Winston all come home at different times, and they all see her but say nothing. They know when she doesn't want to talk anymore.

When 2AM hits, she hears the door creak open and close, followed by a deep sigh. She sits up on the couch and her heart skips a beat at the sight of Nick, he doesn't look happy as he did when she walked into the bar that night.

He looks… conflicted.

Her eyes meet his for a second before he looks away. "Nick…"

"Hey." Nick's smile is weak but it's there.

"Look-"

"Can we talk later?" Nick sighs, "It's been a long night and I need… sleep."

Jess presses her lips together and nods. He gives her no indication of the nature of this talk before he stalks away to his room. She remains curled up on the couch, staring out into nothing once again and the next thing she remembers is Cece's hand on her shoulder.

"I ruined everything Cece." Jess' voice croaks with unshed tears, she doesn't want to cry anymore.

"What happened?"

"I told him."

"You _what_?"

Jess rolls her eyes and lets out a huff, "Yeah, idiot right?"

"What did he-"

"Didn't say a word."

"So he's with?"

Jess shakes her head, "He's home, but I didn't see Reagan come back."

"Schmidt and I have brunch with Gavin… Will you be okay?"

Jess sniffles softly but nods. "Hopefully he'll be willing to talk when he wakes up."

* * *

He exits his room around noon. Nick wasn't lying when he told Jess it had been a _long_ night. He had left the bar not long after Jess; it hadn't taken him very long to make up his mind. Five minute at most.

Either choose a woman who could offer him a crazy travelling life or he could pick his best friend. His Jess. who believed in him no matter what.

Nick finds her asleep on the couch, her eyebrows knitted together in worry. He has so many questions. Taking a seat next to her head, he begins to move her hair out of her face with his thumb brushing against her cheek. God, he hadn't touched her like this for years.

Jess begins to stir at his touch, her eyes fluttering open before widening when realising he was there. She flinches backwards, sitting up and keeping her gaze on her hands.

"Jess… Please look at me…" Nick pleads, his hand resting on her knee.

"Look, Nick-"

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

Jess shakes her head as she looks up at him, his eyes boring into her. "You were happy."

"What changed last night?"

"I don't know."

The tension is thick between them as they fall into silence. They don't know what to say next, there's a lot to say but neither know where to begin. It goes on for what feels like hours before she stands up, the silence bordering unbearable.

He stands up as well, taking a hold of her hand. This was happening now. No more waiting.

"Wait," he swallows and takes a big breath, "I love you, I have for the longest time, you know that. Always will."

"Nick…" Jess breathes out; the smile she reserves for Nick is slowly creeping upon her face.

"It will _always_ be you." With that he wraps his arms around her waist, burying his nose into her hair breathing in her scent.

Jess can feel the tears filling her eyes as her arms sneak up around his neck, the hug all too familiar. His arms tighten around her as if the same thought had come to him, and she knows that neither of them are going to let go this time. He seals that promise with a kiss, not a second after they pull away from the hug, his fingers tangling themselves in her hair.

No – they won't give up this time.


End file.
